How well do you feel you take criticism from others, whether it be a partner, friend, family member, or co-worker? What do you think criticism means about you?
I think that I generally take criticism in stride, as long as it is constructive criticism. (That is much different that a complaint about me!) I think we all have things in life that we can learn and/or improve on. Constructive criticism can provide great feedback and help us become more successful, if we are willing to listen.
I think much of the responsibility goes to the critic. How they deliver the criticism is what separates constructive criticism from complaining. Constructive criticism should build people up. Complaining tears them down.
I think that it depends on how the criticism is delivered. Is it public, or is it private? Is it direct, or is it passive aggressive? When criticism is direct, respectful and constructive, I welcome it and honestly look at it as an opportunity to grow. Critics who talk behind your back however are not constructive, they are destructive, and I honestly have no respect for them.
Criticism is part of life. The only way to avoid it is to live in a bubble - never say anything, and never do anything. One problem is that people with the fixed mindset expect everything good to happen automatically. It doesn't. Learning to accept and use criticism to overcome and grow is a major component of a growth mindset.
Absolutely agree with Mike.... Part of growing and learning from anything is acceptance. Offering constructive criticism to people and receiving constructive criticism from people, I feel is an opportunity to evaluate yourself and hopefully grow. Most criticism is interpreted wrong and that can be very easy to do, however, if it is delivered positively, I think most times people embrace and reflect upon it. What would we do without constructive criticism??? Nobody is perfect are they????(perhaps some think they are!!) phooey on them!
There are some people who cannot take constructive feedback, even with positive delivery. Those are the people who truly feel that they already know everything and feel that they are perfect. Yes, those people do exist!
I agree with Karen. Constructive criticism should build people up and help them grow. I look at constructive criticism as a way to improve a situation or task...move on and grow.
I can tell you this for sure~ I take it a whole lot better than I used to! I used to be very insulted when someone criticized me. Especially from someone close to me, like a family member or a close friend. What I eventually learned was that they weren't necessarily "criticism", with a negative connotation, but something they thought I should know or be told to help me or make me a better person, or keep me from making a bad decision or mistake. It took a very long time for me to come to this realization. Criticism now means to me that I have an area that I can improve on or I might be making a bad decision and someone wants to let me know. I have found that you can make it work to your advantage, it just depends on how you feel about criticism, or your mindset about criticism.
I'm with you Audrey. This took me a long time. I know many people have good intentions, but it can be challenging when you are on the receiving end. The people closest to us hurt the most for the exact reason that they are close to us. Their opinions matter more than others. We value their opinions and want their love and acceptance. Knowing they may feel a certain way about us or what we are doing can be tough to hear. It takes a long time to realize they are doing it out of love (most of the time at least ;)
I agree, it can be challenging to receive strong feedback from someone who is close. It also depends on how important the topic being addressed is to you.
I generally think that I take criticism well and try to grow from it. However in the heat of an argument with a loved one it is hard to take it as constructive.
I think we can all agree that arguing with others put us on the defensive, and we might not see the criticism as constructive. We probably interpret it as complains against us personally.
Criticism is difficult for me. I want to do things well. I know I'm not perfect and I know people make mistakes but I don't like how it feels when I make mistakes. Luckily I have good self esteem so I tell myself to learn from my mistakes and move on. I don't let them define or devastate me. Blaming others is an easy thing to fall into also. I think I often share blame when a problem arises feeling I could have also done things differently. But I like the idea in this chapter that blaming others doesn't correct things. Instead look at the problem and find a way to work on that.
I think this is an area I have shown a lot of growth in. Before when I was criticized, I didn't take it well at all. I have always been highly sensitive. It was more that I was tough on myself, and that I wanted people to accept me and like what I did. If it was something that I had poured my heart into, I would take it especially hard. I think this is normal as you feel like you have done all you can, so when someone says it is not great or you need to work on something, you take it personally. But, I started to realize that this is all part of growth. I am not perfect, and I have always known that. But, this need to please others has always been part of me. SO, I never want to feel like I am letting anyone down. I had to come to a point where I could realize that everything would be ok, and that this was simply an opportunity. As long as the person who delivered the "constructive criticism" offers it in a way that is helpful advice rather than cruel words, I can take it. I realize we offer words of advice and encouragement to our students each day. If we are going to offer them these words and expect them to take it well, we need to be able to do the same. On the other hand, when they offer harsh critique of me or point out my mistakes, that is another story... :) But, I have been able to grow out of my fixed mindset in this area fairly well.
I agree Karen! It gets easier to take criticism as you grow as a professional. Once you start to see it as a learning process and that everyone goes through it, it becomes more natural.
That is a great point. As you grow in any particular area, your ability to become more objective increases. You gain perspectives and become more of an expert in your field. You can then take feedback and apply to a particular area rather than feel like all of your efforts are being criticized.
I feel that I have grown to take criticism well from others. In high school, I would be very hard on myself and always think I could have done better. However now that I have a more growth mindset, I do not let criticism bother me. I work with many teachers who have been teaching for a long time that have valuable knowledge about teaching. It would be silly to take their advice and guidance as offensive. I have learned so much from them and continue to everyday! I have also experienced being observed and now see it as a learning process. I always take the feedback and try to do better next time. Taking criticism positively makes it easier to grow as a professional.
This is so true...I have been teaching for over 25 years, and I am still learning some valuable information from my colleagues. I would never want to teach in a bubble and just close my classroom door to all the great ideas others are willing to share.
On a professional level, I am open to criticism. At my pre-observation meetings I am always looking for suggestions to improve my lesson plan. I am open to suggestions and never am defensive. When I receive feedback, I always strive to make changes. On a personal level, I can get a bit sensitive when someone close to gives me criticism. I think it is because I like to please and not let others down, especially those close to me.
How well do you feel you take criticism from others, whether it be a partner, friend, family member, or co-worker? What do you think criticism means about you? I always think criticism goes over better if it is first started with something positive. I try to accept criticism, and better myself the next time around. Nobody is perfect, and everyone is an individual. People who dish out criticism without addressing their own faults, need to heed their own advice. I think criticism goes over better if the person is looking toward the positive first, and is complimentary. Because then you know that the criticism has been well thought out and it will then mean more to me.
I think I have learned to take criticism better as I have grown older and wiser. I also believe that without knowing the terminology, I have developed a growth mindset in many areas of my life (again, as I have grown older and wiser). I have learned over the years that it is OK if you are not perfect. You can learn from your mistakes. And sometimes when you make a mistake, it makes the learning that much more permanent and meaningful. I have also learned over the years not to become immediately defensive about criticism. Often, when delivered appropriately, criticism can be constructive and well-meaning. As a teacher, we "criticize" our students all day as we assess their learning. I try to put myself in their shoes and praise their efforts before I give them some suggestions. I try to teach the kids to do this with each other as well. Sometimes we give each other "2 stars and one wish".
Lori - you are right, I suppose we do criticize all day long. Therapists do this too. I have noticed through the last few weeks that I am changing my task-oriented approach from "Do it this way" to "Can you think of a different way to try this?" My first approach lends itself to feed into a fixed mindset of " I am doing it wrong - again" for my students. I think I am beginning to see the results of the subtle changes in my approach - when asked to try it their own way and "see if it works" my students eventually come around and try things with the specific technique I was trying to teach.
Criticism can be an area of weakness for me, I guess it depends on what I am being criticised for and more importantly who is doing the criticizing. If you are someone that I respect and is knowledgeable about the topic of criticism I am more willing to listen.
I think that I have learned to accept criticism over the years and view it is an opportunity to grow and refine my therapy and professional skills. I do think that the words used play an important role in how I respond to the criticism. Also, I think that criticism should be given directly to the person rather than retold by someone else.
As Lori says,as I've gotten older and wiser I am much better at not only accepting criticism but sorting out what is constructive criticism, what is complaining and what is just snarky. For me, constructive criticism is a chance to reflect on an action or decision. Sometimes I see it as an opportunity for personal growth and change and sometimes I just see another point of view that I may not have considered before.
As Lori says,as I've gotten older and wiser I am much better at not only accepting criticism but sorting out what is constructive criticism, what is complaining and what is just snarky. For me, constructive criticism is a chance to reflect on an action or decision. Sometimes I see it as an opportunity for personal growth and change and sometimes I just see another point of view that I may not have considered before.
How well do you feel you take criticism from others, whether it be a partner, friend, family member, or co-worker? What do you think criticism means about you? I DO think criticisms and how we handle them does reflect on our mindset. That said, as much as I can see times, places and circumstances when I was of growth mindset, I can also think of the times that criticism was difficult for me. The source of the criticism and how it is presented is significant. I know there are times I have accepted criticism well, and certainly times when it crushed me. The delivery helps determine this. I would like to think that, with age, (ugh), but with experience too (maybe a more palatable word choice!) comes the learning of how to use criticism more productively. I think criticism means simply that someone is willing to offer their opinion of me, and how I do things, and I think criticism can be a foundation for collaboration. Discussing differences can sometimes sound like a criticism depending on how it is done, yet discussing differences is really nothing more than sharing ideas. Criticism is collaboration in disguise!
This is a tough one for me...as many of you have said it depends on the topic and the presentation. A family member criticizing me is taken much differently than a coworker or professional peer. Criticism from family tends to sting a little more and I think I immediately shut down. Criticism from a coworker I am more open to. I have heard some old saying that we are toughest on those we love...maybe that is why defenses go up so fast with family - they tend to present criticism sharply. Professionals offering criticism is more structured and discussion based, more of a learning opportunity.
This is an interesting question….one that has me thinking to my younger days. Growing up, I felt the best way to get approval was to be really good at something. So when I still lived at home, those things were cleaning, cooking, mowing the grass, etc. If the tasks I completed didn’t get noticed, I was disappointed and sometimes upset. I wasn’t worried about criticism because I knew I had done a good job…it just wasn’t being noticed. The going unnoticed part probably equated to criticism. However, as an adult, I realize that people can be in their own little worlds, concerned with other things, or had blinders on to things happening around them. I have a gained a little perspective since then and am not offended if things go unnoticed. I appreciate constructive criticism from people that are knowledgeable in the field they are offering the criticism for; however, I tend to disregard criticism from someone that I have little respect for or from someone who doesn’t really know what he or she is talking about. I will still listen but will not take the comments to heart. However, if I hear a comment from someone I value as a family member, friend, spouse, and/or colleague, I will truly reflect on the information and see if I need to adjust my thinking or behavior.
PS: I don't how to get rid of the formal "Mrs. DeFranco"....not trying to be fancy. :)
How well do you feel you take criticism from others, whether it be a partner, friend, family member, or co-worker? What do you think criticism means about you? How criticism is received depends on a variety of factors. When talking about who it is from, I feel that the level of respect you have for the source is a big factor in how criticism will be received and/or followed up on. Another important factor in how criticism is received is based on how important the topic is. When receiving criticism for efforts you put your heart and soul into you might be a little more sensitive than if some of your strategies for routine tasks are addressed.
I think that I generally take criticism in stride, as long as it is constructive criticism. (That is much different that a complaint about me!) I think we all have things in life that we can learn and/or improve on. Constructive criticism can provide great feedback and help us become more successful, if we are willing to listen.
ReplyDeleteI think much of the responsibility goes to the critic. How they deliver the criticism is what separates constructive criticism from complaining. Constructive criticism should build people up. Complaining tears them down.
DeleteI think that it depends on how the criticism is delivered. Is it public, or is it private? Is it direct, or is it passive aggressive? When criticism is direct, respectful and constructive, I welcome it and honestly look at it as an opportunity to grow. Critics who talk behind your back however are not constructive, they are destructive, and I honestly have no respect for them.
ReplyDeleteCriticism is part of life. The only way to avoid it is to live in a bubble - never say anything, and never do anything. One problem is that people with the fixed mindset expect everything good to happen automatically. It doesn't. Learning to accept and use criticism to overcome and grow is a major component of a growth mindset.
I totally agree, Mike. Delivery of criticism is crucial. Delivery makes all the difference. I have to work on my delivery!
DeleteI agree- how someone delivers the criticism is key to whether or not someone gets defensive when given criticism.
DeleteI completely agree with the direct, respectful and constructive criticism.
DeleteAbsolutely agree with Mike.... Part of growing and learning from anything is acceptance. Offering constructive criticism to people and receiving constructive criticism from people, I feel is an opportunity to evaluate yourself and hopefully grow. Most criticism is interpreted wrong and that can be very easy to do, however, if it is delivered positively, I think most times people embrace and reflect upon it. What would we do without constructive criticism??? Nobody is perfect are they????(perhaps some think they are!!) phooey on them!
ReplyDeleteThere are some people who cannot take constructive feedback, even with positive delivery. Those are the people who truly feel that they already know everything and feel that they are perfect. Yes, those people do exist!
DeleteI agree with Karen. Constructive criticism should build people up and help them grow. I look at constructive criticism as a way to improve a situation or task...move on and grow.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteI can tell you this for sure~ I take it a whole lot better than I used to! I used to be very insulted when someone criticized me. Especially from someone close to me, like a family member or a close friend. What I eventually learned was that they weren't necessarily "criticism", with a negative connotation, but something they thought I should know or be told to help me or make me a better person, or keep me from making a bad decision or mistake. It took a very long time for me to come to this realization. Criticism now means to me that I have an area that I can improve on or I might be making a bad decision and someone wants to let me know. I have found that you can make it work to your advantage, it just depends on how you feel about criticism, or your mindset about criticism.
I'm with you Audrey. This took me a long time. I know many people have good intentions, but it can be challenging when you are on the receiving end. The people closest to us hurt the most for the exact reason that they are close to us. Their opinions matter more than others. We value their opinions and want their love and acceptance. Knowing they may feel a certain way about us or what we are doing can be tough to hear. It takes a long time to realize they are doing it out of love (most of the time at least ;)
DeleteKaren - I enjoy reading your posts...you write exactly what is in my head but I can't seem to get it out as fluidly.
DeleteI agree, it can be challenging to receive strong feedback from someone who is close. It also depends on how important the topic being addressed is to you.
DeleteI generally think that I take criticism well and try to grow from it. However in the heat of an argument with a loved one it is hard to take it as constructive.
ReplyDeleteI think we can all agree that arguing with others put us on the defensive, and we might not see the criticism as constructive.
DeleteWe probably interpret it as complains against us personally.
Criticism is difficult for me. I want to do things well. I know I'm not perfect and I know people make mistakes but I don't like how it feels when I make mistakes. Luckily I have good self esteem so I tell myself to learn from my mistakes and move on. I don't let them define or devastate me. Blaming others is an easy thing to fall into also. I think I often share blame when a problem arises feeling I could have also done things differently. But I like the idea in this chapter that blaming others doesn't correct things. Instead look at the problem and find a way to work on that.
ReplyDeleteI think this is an area I have shown a lot of growth in. Before when I was criticized, I didn't take it well at all. I have always been highly sensitive. It was more that I was tough on myself, and that I wanted people to accept me and like what I did. If it was something that I had poured my heart into, I would take it especially hard. I think this is normal as you feel like you have done all you can, so when someone says it is not great or you need to work on something, you take it personally. But, I started to realize that this is all part of growth. I am not perfect, and I have always known that. But, this need to please others has always been part of me. SO, I never want to feel like I am letting anyone down. I had to come to a point where I could realize that everything would be ok, and that this was simply an opportunity. As long as the person who delivered the "constructive criticism" offers it in a way that is helpful advice rather than cruel words, I can take it. I realize we offer words of advice and encouragement to our students each day. If we are going to offer them these words and expect them to take it well, we need to be able to do the same. On the other hand, when they offer harsh critique of me or point out my mistakes, that is another story... :) But, I have been able to grow out of my fixed mindset in this area fairly well.
ReplyDeleteI agree Karen! It gets easier to take criticism as you grow as a professional. Once you start to see it as a learning process and that everyone goes through it, it becomes more natural.
DeleteThat is a great point. As you grow in any particular area, your ability to become more objective increases. You gain perspectives and become more of an expert in your field. You can then take feedback and apply to a particular area rather than feel like all of your efforts are being criticized.
DeleteI feel that I have grown to take criticism well from others. In high school, I would be very hard on myself and always think I could have done better. However now that I have a more growth mindset, I do not let criticism bother me. I work with many teachers who have been teaching for a long time that have valuable knowledge about teaching. It would be silly to take their advice and guidance as offensive. I have learned so much from them and continue to everyday! I have also experienced being observed and now see it as a learning process. I always take the feedback and try to do better next time. Taking criticism positively makes it easier to grow as a professional.
ReplyDeleteThis is so true...I have been teaching for over 25 years, and I am still learning some valuable information from my colleagues. I would never want to teach in a bubble and just close my classroom door to all the great ideas others are willing to share.
DeleteOn a professional level, I am open to criticism. At my pre-observation meetings I am always looking for suggestions to improve my lesson plan. I am open to suggestions and never am defensive. When I receive feedback, I always strive to make changes. On a personal level, I can get a bit sensitive when someone close to gives me criticism. I think it is because I like to please and not let others down, especially those close to me.
ReplyDeleteHow well do you feel you take criticism from others, whether it be a partner, friend, family member, or co-worker? What do you think criticism means about you?
ReplyDeleteI always think criticism goes over better if it is first started with something positive. I try to accept criticism, and better myself the next time around. Nobody is perfect, and everyone is an individual. People who dish out criticism without addressing their own faults, need to heed their own advice. I think criticism goes over better if the person is looking toward the positive first, and is complimentary. Because then you know that the criticism has been well thought out and it will then mean more to me.
I think I have learned to take criticism better as I have grown older and wiser. I also believe that without knowing the terminology, I have developed a growth mindset in many areas of my life (again, as I have grown older and wiser). I have learned over the years that it is OK if you are not perfect. You can learn from your mistakes. And sometimes when you make a mistake, it makes the learning that much more permanent and meaningful. I have also learned over the years not to become immediately defensive about criticism. Often, when delivered appropriately, criticism can be constructive and well-meaning. As a teacher, we "criticize" our students all day as we assess their learning. I try to put myself in their shoes and praise their efforts before I give them some suggestions. I try to teach the kids to do this with each other as well. Sometimes we give each other "2 stars and one wish".
ReplyDeleteLori, I really like your "2 stars and 1 wish." I think that I may incorporate that into my therapy sessions. :)
DeleteLori - you are right, I suppose we do criticize all day long. Therapists do this too. I have noticed through the last few weeks that I am changing my task-oriented approach from "Do it this way" to "Can you think of a different way to try this?" My first approach lends itself to feed into a fixed mindset of " I am doing it wrong - again" for my students. I think I am beginning to see the results of the subtle changes in my approach - when asked to try it their own way and "see if it works" my students eventually come around and try things with the specific technique I was trying to teach.
DeleteCriticism can be an area of weakness for me, I guess it depends on what I am being criticised for and more importantly who is doing the criticizing. If you are someone that I respect and is knowledgeable about the topic of criticism I am more willing to listen.
ReplyDeleteYep.....I hear ya!
DeleteI think that I have learned to accept criticism over the years and view it is an opportunity to grow and refine my therapy and professional skills. I do think that the words used play an important role in how I respond to the criticism. Also, I think that criticism should be given directly to the person rather than retold by someone else.
ReplyDeleteAs Lori says,as I've gotten older and wiser I am much better at not only accepting criticism but sorting out what is constructive criticism, what is complaining and what is just snarky. For me, constructive criticism is a chance to reflect on an action or decision. Sometimes I see it as an opportunity for personal growth and change and sometimes I just see another point of view that I may not have considered before.
ReplyDeleteAs Lori says,as I've gotten older and wiser I am much better at not only accepting criticism but sorting out what is constructive criticism, what is complaining and what is just snarky. For me, constructive criticism is a chance to reflect on an action or decision. Sometimes I see it as an opportunity for personal growth and change and sometimes I just see another point of view that I may not have considered before.
ReplyDeleteHow well do you feel you take criticism from others, whether it be a partner, friend, family member, or co-worker? What do you think criticism means about you?
ReplyDeleteI DO think criticisms and how we handle them does reflect on our mindset. That said, as much as I can see times, places and circumstances when I was of growth mindset, I can also think of the times that criticism was difficult for me. The source of the criticism and how it is presented is significant. I know there are times I have accepted criticism well, and certainly times when it crushed me. The delivery helps determine this. I would like to think that, with age, (ugh), but with experience too (maybe a more palatable word choice!) comes the learning of how to use criticism more productively.
I think criticism means simply that someone is willing to offer their opinion of me, and how I do things, and I think criticism can be a foundation for collaboration. Discussing differences can sometimes sound like a criticism depending on how it is done, yet discussing differences is really nothing more than sharing ideas. Criticism is collaboration in disguise!
This is a tough one for me...as many of you have said it depends on the topic and the presentation. A family member criticizing me is taken much differently than a coworker or professional peer. Criticism from family tends to sting a little more and I think I immediately shut down. Criticism from a coworker I am more open to. I have heard some old saying that we are toughest on those we love...maybe that is why defenses go up so fast with family - they tend to present criticism sharply. Professionals offering criticism is more structured and discussion based, more of a learning opportunity.
ReplyDeleteThis is an interesting question….one that has me thinking to my younger days. Growing up, I felt the best way to get approval was to be really good at something. So when I still lived at home, those things were cleaning, cooking, mowing the grass, etc. If the tasks I completed didn’t get noticed, I was disappointed and sometimes upset. I wasn’t worried about criticism because I knew I had done a good job…it just wasn’t being noticed. The going unnoticed part probably equated to criticism. However, as an adult, I realize that people can be in their own little worlds, concerned with other things, or had blinders on to things happening around them. I have a gained a little perspective since then and am not offended if things go unnoticed. I appreciate constructive criticism from people that are knowledgeable in the field they are offering the criticism for; however, I tend to disregard criticism from someone that I have little respect for or from someone who doesn’t really know what he or she is talking about. I will still listen but will not take the comments to heart. However, if I hear a comment from someone I value as a family member, friend, spouse, and/or colleague, I will truly reflect on the information and see if I need to adjust my thinking or behavior.
ReplyDeletePS: I don't how to get rid of the formal "Mrs. DeFranco"....not trying to be fancy. :)
How well do you feel you take criticism from others, whether it be a partner, friend, family member, or co-worker? What do you think criticism means about you?
ReplyDeleteHow criticism is received depends on a variety of factors. When talking about who it is from, I feel that the level of respect you have for the source is a big factor in how criticism will be received and/or followed up on. Another important factor in how criticism is received is based on how important the topic is. When receiving criticism for efforts you put your heart and soul into you might be a little more sensitive than if some of your strategies for routine tasks are addressed.