Chapter 2: Inside the Mindsets
Can you think of a child or adult in your life who tends to avoid responsibility by making excuses or blaming others? Think of a specific example and describe how you might use a mindset to help the individual take responsibility and correct the problems he/she faces.
I currently have a student in my classroom who seems to be having difficulty with everyone. He has conflicts in all of his classes with the students who sit near him. He blames them for his inappropriate actions and his negative attitude. Nothing is every his fault and he refuses to take responsibility for his actions in the class. This student appears to be very angry, but teachers are having a hard time figuring out who/what makes him angry. He displays a lot of negative attention seeking behaviors throughout the day. When any of the teachers have tried to address this, we see the fixed mindset. He is not willing to bend. It is starting to become noticeable that the other students don't want to be around him. I think that if we could help him use a growth mindset and realize that he can still have some control over situations without blaming everyone else that he would be a much happier person. We have already met with the parents, so hopefully we are on our way to helping him overcome his fixed mindset so that he has a positive 6th grade/middle school year.
ReplyDeleteKaren, As I read your post, I wondered: what was your impression of his parents? Do you think they are generally in a growth-mindset when discussing their child or fixed? I would imagine many parents try to appear as though they are open and willing to try anything to get through to their child but we have all run across those that do not appreciate the effort of learning. I am not saying we should not bother to try - just recognizing the challenges if they are more fixed.
DeleteInterestingly enough, the parents initiated the first conference to let us know some of their concerns with their son. They are both highly educated and appeared to be on top of things. I would definitely say they were in the growth mindset. That being said, the concerns that they have are not the same concerns that the teachers have.
DeleteThe individual I am thinking of is an adult. He has always blamed others for his problems. Never taking responsibility. I found this person was putting the blame on me for things I didn't do. He definitely had a fixed mind-set. Counseling did not help this person or his mind-set. I feel with this certain individual he was never going to change his mind set because he was always right. He wanted total control over every situation. I am wondering if individuals with addictions or certain personality disorders can have a growth mind set? Or will they go through life with a fixed mind set?
ReplyDeleteI think you make a very good point.
DeleteNarcissists. Whether diagnosed with a Narcissistic personality disorder or not, I feel narcissists would be fixed mindset. They are right, period. No one will show them otherwise. They will always blame others and get hostile if you question them.
In these cases then, I will question if personality types will lead themselves to fixed or growth mindsets. Which came first, chicken or the egg?
Great points, Sue. Thought provoking.
Thank you Camille :)
DeleteI think people who blame others when they are confronted are acting defensively. They react so quickly that even if you are only asking a question they think they are being accused of something. I do agree that counseling of some sort might be beneficial. Individuals need to see the response pattern they have fallen into and work out different way to react.
DeleteThat is an excellent question. How can addiction or personality disorder impact a person's ability to change their mindset? I would think that it each could definitely affect the brain in such a way that any type of growth might be much more difficult to achieve.
DeleteMike,
DeleteIt would also affect if they would even be inclined to change. Or be able to accept a different perspective.
I recall a student from two years ago who was perhaps the most frustrating of my career. The student repeated 8th grade, and I had him the second time through. What was exasperating was that he was smart. He just consistently made the wrong choices, and refused to put in any effort. I believe that he possessed a fixed mindset and saw him self as destined to fail. He admittedly had a rough home life, and I believe he was using his struggles in school to "punish" his caregivers. Despite two years worth of intervention, we were unable to get him to do any better than barely squeaking by academically. Coming from a somewhat similar family background, I personally attempted to speak to him and model what I've come to know as a growth mindset. It never got through. I'm hoping that maturity, life experience and and perhaps crossing paths in the future with someone who espouses the benefits of growth mindset might someday make a difference in his life.
ReplyDeleteMike, I am sure that I know exactly who you are talking about. I had him for math in 6th grade and found the same things to be true. In fact, he spent the majority of his 7th grade year back in my AIS because the principal thought that might be a wake up call for him. It wasn't. He was very bright, so he did well on tests, but he was going to show us by making the wrong choices to "punish" others. He did the bare minimum in class. It was a very sad and frustrating situation.
DeleteThis kind of makes a connection for me to Sue's post. I read and think of those students with ODD- opositional defiant disorder. Again, are there disorders which may make it difficult for someone to accept a growth mindset?
DeleteMike~ I can imagine imagine how frustrating that must have been. We all come across those students in our career (you had him twice) and I feel so determined to "crack the code" and and disappointed and frustrated when I can't. You made a great effort, anyway. Good for you. You never know! That student might come back to you in 10 years and thank you! We, as teachers, sometimes never know the impact we have on children, who don't realize it until they are older.
DeleteOK, if I'm thinking I know who this student is, I had him in all 3 grade levels, plus twice in 8th grade. I saw a little improvement in the second year of 8th grade, but mainly not causing a total disruption to the class, and getting more than half the assignments turned in. I often wondered if he would even finish HS if that mindset continued through his school career.
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ReplyDeleteI hate to "air my dirty laundry" but my older an only sister fits that bill perfectly. She has always made flip decisions quickly without thinking at all of how her decisions would affect other people, especially her family and children. She blames my parents for so many troubles in her life, and they have no responsibility for her decisions. She just always needs someone else to blame for everything, including her 3 ex-husbands. I have tried, a very long time ago, to help her realize that the choices she was making were her responsibility and she had to take ownership for them. She never changed, and I gave up trying. She was causing harm and emotional stress to my parents so we have been estranged from her for over 10 years. She never contacted my mom when she had a stroke 2 years ago, or when my dad was in the hospital last month. I wonder how much suffering a family has to go through before they have to make the difficult decision stop trying. As far as changing my sisters mindset, it never happened.
Isn't it interesting how siblings can grow up in the same house with the same parents and be so different from each other? My husband and his brother could not be more different from each other when it comes to mindset. They are 12 months apart, almost to the day. My brother-in-law could be the poster child for a fixed mindset. I didn't use him as my example because just thinking about him frustrates me!
DeleteI feel your pain, Karen!!
DeleteAudrey, I know you have shared a little of this with me before... hand in there. Keep your growth mindset. We all have to look out for what we want out of our own lives. Some people choose not to live richly, or even "grow up". lol. Keep your growth mindset and think she's not ready "YET." :-)
DeleteUnfortunately I have a sister who is the same (and a brother-in-law that is worse). It is funny how we can be so different. My parents see to walk on egg shells with her. They have taken the mindset of "it is not worth the argument". Unfortunately I am beginning to see the same mindset develop in my two young nieces. I only hope something happens that can shift my sisters mindset.
DeleteHaHA... got a tough kiddo in class this year who I immediately picked up on his fixed mindset. Many comments of "I'm not good at school." Funny though, as he is really good in math, an area where many students struggle. I feel it is his fixed mindset which prevents him from seeing his true talents in math. I have only met one parent, and the message seemed to be everyone is so so busy. That busyness could lead to other messages (too busy to do school work, or get to sleep on time), or it could be that there are subtle messages from the parents that the sport he excels at (three days+ a week he is kept busy with it) could be more important than spending time to excel at school. I'm going to see how it plays out, but I could see early on, my challenges with this child are not so much AIS academic interventions, but building confidence, trying to restructure some views and values. These can be tougher than AIS for sure, and I hope to use what I learn here, as well as other resources, can help me structure the support I need to make a difference.
ReplyDeleteHopefully this student will move beyond this block that has been created. It is such a struggle when a child can't tap into the ability they actually have.
DeleteOver the years I have had many students that carry the "I am not good at school attitude." Even worse is when you have the parent conference and the parent says, "I was never good in school so don't expect my child to be!!!" Given these attitudes I have continually tried to bring kids to a level of personal honestly. I call it "Honest Abe." I frequently ask the class to answer honestly, with no consequence. "Ok, who actually studied their math facts for 10 minutes every night this week." So many times, for all of us, it is not that we can't do but that we didn't do. Once students are honest about their efforts, then you can work them to make a reasonable plan for success.
ReplyDeleteHeidi, I agree. We need to wear many hats at school, and one of them is to be that one to encourage, yet expect effort. It can be challenging to overcome certain attitudes about education from parents.
Delete(Palm to forehead) Of course it's a tougher battle when we hear the same words come out of the parents' mouths.... I was never good at math. I never liked school. I couldn't pay attention either.
DeleteUgh. Parents don't realize their influence with their attitudes. For the first time, I tried to address this on Parent Night. It is just as critical to make sure your child is doing their homework, as well as to set an example (let your child see YOU reading) and to be supportive (not critical) of school, school policies, the school schedule (My mom let's me stay home on half days) etc etc etc
Well, unfortunately, I have seen many people with a fixed mindset in my life. I will focus on a student though. This particular student has a lot going for him. He has a heart of gold, and is a master of many topics. However, he can not read well. This has been an ongoing struggle. Improvements have been seen over the last few years. He is very hard on himself though. He calls himself names, gives up, gets angry, and ends up lashing out at others and himself. He feels as though all the efforts he makes are for nothing. It doesn't help that the adults in his life don't encourage him much, and actually at times remind him of his shortcomings. As a teacher, this makes me cringe most of all. After all, if I spend all my time building him and getting him to think positively, but then he leaves just to be torn down - what good is it? It doesn't matter though as I will never give up on him. I constantly try to give a growth mindset, and when he smiles at me and experiences success at school, we will continue to celebrate. All we can do as educators is try our best to build a growth mindset as a foundation. It will take a lot of strength though for a child to remember it and continue to grow as obstacles stand in their way. That is what perseverance is all about though I guess...
ReplyDeleteI can think of several people I have come across over the years with this type of mindset but I am going to use an old friend as my example. I have (had) a friend who was a very successful chef years ago. I worked with him 20 yrs when I began to waitress banquets. About 17 years ago he decided to go out and open his own restaurant. His food was top notch and he had an Associates degree in business. One would think he would be successful. At first he was, I left my current waitress job to go manager the servers and front of the house for him. I was proud to be apart of this great new venture. We were very close, inseparable. He however was the type of person to put others down to make himself feel better which never sat right with me. As the restaurant opened he was busy all the time and people just raved about his food and the atmosphere. As things went on (with his fixed mindset) the waitresses and other employees were never good enough, he woudl treat them horribly and they would eventually quit. After a bout a year the business started to dwindle. He would go out every night and take the profits from the day to go out without paying the bills. It got to the point he couldn't pay the bills and then he couldn't buy the food and liquor he needed to keep the restaurant afloat. Always being out of things people got fed up and stopped coming into the restaurant. It was never his fault though- It was the NYS Liquor boards, it was the banks, the food companies and the community. He eventually closed the doors, very frustrated and in a mountain of debt. He needed a job but he felt he was too good to go back to cooking at some small restaurant. And he was way too good to work for minimum wage. Through all this I stuck by him and tried to help him see the error of his ways but he didn't want to hear it. Like I said it was never his fault. He stood to lose everything, his house his car, his health insurance because he was "too good" for minimum wage. Here I was graduating college and getting my first teaching job at this point. I was a know it all to him. Unfortunately we stopped speaking for several years. I was unable to help him in his fixed mindset. About 7 years ago we started to talk again but we are not even close to how our friendship was. He is cooking again at a small restaurant and doing okay,which I am happy for. However, I look back on the whole situation and part of me wishes I could have done more to help him out of the fixed mindset.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure everyone can think of one person who has a fixed mindset, but how many of us are truly lucky to know someone with a growth mindset? That person really has a talent or gift for learning that can be infectious to others. If I could, I would surround myself with these people with a growth mindset. It is such a positive environment!
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ReplyDeleteI think so many of us present growth minded for one circumstance while fixed minded in another. Professionally, I believe we may think someone has a fixed mindset but maybe it is the circumstance that forces someone to be fixed? Not an excuse - just an observation and speaking from some of my own experiences. When I worked in hospital administration, I tried to cultivate the environment into one where therapists could take opportunities to learn from each other and work together for the sake of our patients as well as their professional growth and the function of the rehab department. My department ran very well - my employees got used to my open door policy and my ways of helping them solve problems either logistical or clinical. Eventually my responsibilities grew to include 3 facilities to manage; becoming more and more demanding. Something had to give just for the sake of getting it done. I remember the transition of opened door policy to "make an appointment." I remember just dispensing solutions at staff meetings versus opening up a dialog with my therapists. I did not like being dictated to (and still don't) but nor did I appreciate the act of dictating. I would imagine during those busy stressful times my employees would have described me as having a fixed mindset - when in reality it was killing me. Maybe the stress of the position was an excuse, but I certainly preferred open door / open mind versus "This is how it has to be...because I said so". Perhaps as we get deeper into this book we can see how to work our way out of fixed mindset especially when we recognize it - I don't think I am comfortable with this enough that I could discuss application of this process to another person.
ReplyDeleteI agree that mindsets can be somewhat situational.
DeleteI agree with you Amy. I do feel that certain situations can make us have a fixed mindset and make us feel uncomfortable.
DeleteI have a student in my class this year whom I believe has a fixed mindset about his abilities. He is a very kind, well-mannered boy, but he seems to be afraid of failure. For example, he has done very poorly on his spelling tests (like 4 correct out of 20). His Mom says, he gets frustrated and studying does not help. I offered many fun suggestions to practicing the words (games, Spelling City, etc.) Mom says he voices to her at home that he just shuts down because he knows he will fail anyway. This boy also is on a sports team. His coach made him a starter and from that day on, he has refused to practice with the team. Mom thinks, and I agree, that he is afraid to let the coach down as a "starter". What if he makes a mistake out there? As you probably have guessed, my goal this year is to help this little boy develop a growth mindset. I have already implemented a few strategies and I have seen some positive growth and smiles and good effort when things are difficult at school. Mom is trying some strategies at home, too. 3rd grade is too young to be afraid to take chances or try something new!
ReplyDeleteLori- I have a student who is constantly worrying about if he makes a mistake as well. You are using all the right strategies to help him have a growth mindset!
DeleteDo you view these students as perfectionists? or just that they refuse to try in case they make an error?
DeleteIt is hard to believe that students in third grade have this type of anxiety about failure. Since reading the book about Mindset, I have started to notice some of the same behaviors in my room.
DeleteI have an adult figure in my life who demonstrates qualities of a fixed mindset. This person is the most kind and selfless person, however, when it comes to mistakes or shortcomings he is always quick to blame others. I try to point out how his fixed mindset won't help him correct his problems or help keep him from struggling in the future. Whenever something is wrong he blames others. I hope one day he will take ownership of challenges and transition to a growth mindset to help minimize any need for blame in the future.
ReplyDeleteThere are those people in our lives in which we can see much more clearly that they can, how their inability to accept responsibility for their actions affects their outcomes. They blame, don't see the connections, make similar mistakes again and again, year after year, and you wonder how many times will it take before they learn?
DeleteSometimes, they don't learn. That is what makes it difficult.
It reminds me of a poem I read many many years ago that has always stuck with me. Has anyone heard it??
Autobiography in five chapters- Portia Nelson
I will post it in a separate comment section below.
Several of my students appear to have fixed mindsets, but then I wonder does my student have the fixed mindset or could it be things that have been said to them that creates this?? I try to create an environment where it is ok to make mistakes. Encouraging students to try their best and take ownership for their actions so that they can grow is a priority in my room. I hope that making students comfortable in my classroom will give them the freedom to develop their own growth mindsets.
ReplyDeleteI have a student who doesn’t complete his homework assignments on a frequent basis. He will make excuses like he didn’t know he had to do it or his mom forgot to help him. When he is assigned homework club during recess, he will argue and pout about it. The way he is thinking is a very fixed mindset because he is not taking responsibility and putting forth effort to complete his homework and not have to go to homework club. We are trying to teach him that he is in 5th grade now and his homework is his responsibility. He needs to write down the correct assignments and take time to do it at home. We explain that everyone has responsibilities and homework is one of his. We talk about all the things he loves to do like drawing and puzzles that he could be doing during his recess. He knows what the consequences are, but still does not do his homework frequently. Last year we really made progress with him with his behavior. This year we hope to make progress with responsibility, by showing him that hard work and effort pays off. We have a sticker chart going for days that he does well in all the areas of his behavior plan. We have now incorporated completing homework assignments to receive a sticker. We are hoping this gives him motivation to complete it!
ReplyDeleteMany people come to mind when posed with this question. I believe that people can change their mind set but only when and if they want to. It comes from within and guidance. Unless you desire, crave or want to change your mind set on something, I think it is difficult for people to change. I ponder Susan's question too.... Will a person with a fixed mind set continue on in life with it? Only if they want to!!!
ReplyDeleteI have a student whos parents do everything for him, buy him gifts for any accomplishment, help him at the sign of any minor challenge. He wants constant validation and does not give effort with tasks that challenge him in school. I am working on opening his mindset to understand he needs to work hard and give effort over a period of time rather than instant gratification.
ReplyDeleteI can think of a 5th grader who had everything done for him. I mean everything. At parent teacher conferences the mother actually admitted that she even brushed his teeth for him everyday day! I was shocked!
ReplyDeleteIn my class, I tried to prepare my students for middle school. To develop responsibility and ownership we worked together to set goals and create guidelines for the classroom to help develop responsibility. I do believe this helped with daily school tasks and at home as well. In order to attend a sleepover, this student had to be responsible to brush his own teeth and he did so with success. In this case I had to help the mother with strategies at home as well.
brush teeth?
DeleteNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Autobiography in Five Chapters
ReplyDeleteby Portia Nelson
I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost...
I am hopeless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I'm in the same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in...it's a habit
My eyes are open; I know where I am;
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
V
I walk down another street.
I love the growth and honesty in each chapter.
ReplyDeleteCH 1 It takes forever to find a way out.
CH 2 It's still not my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.
CH 3 It IS my fault. I get out immediately.
I think this chapter may repeat a few times. As soon as we realize our part in something does not mean we can get out of the hole immediately.
CH 4 I walk around it. Brilliant!
CH 5 I walk down another street. True success! This step can be a painful one, and this is the step that may mean we have to distance ourselves from certain people in our lives if they contribute to our repeated falling into the same hole.
I know a family member that seems to have a fixed mindset most of the time. Even though he is very talented and giving, he tends to blame other people and situations for his misfortune. I think he works hard trying to be upbeat, flexible, and open minded; however, most of the time he gets worked up when things don't go his way or people don't react the way he had wanted them to. In the end, it has started to affect his health leading to high blood pressure and other things. I speak to this person on the phone periodically...mostly listening to a bunch of complaining; however, I after listening, I will ask questions to hopefully make this person reflect on the real issues at hand. The book mentions that "failure is an opportunity to learn and grow". This a a powerful message that many fixed minded people struggle with.
ReplyDeleteI have a student I have worked with for 6 years. His parent is difficult to deal with as she has a fixed mindset and always blames others for his difficulties. I see the same patterns developing in the student. I asked him the second week of school this year. "What do you like about middle school and is there anything you are having difficulty with in middle school?" His answers were typical fixed mindset. He said," I like science because the teacher is funny and I hate music because the teacher is mean." I pointed out that he always liked music and asked what was mean. "He yells at me every day to sit up straight?" When I asked him if the teacher spoke firmly or yelled ( I also had to demonstrate),he conceded that the teacher was speaking firmly. I then explained the importance of sitting up straight in music class. He admitted that the teacher told him the same thing but would not admit that the teacher was not mean but concerned. I have had many such conversations with this student. Hopefully I will learn some techniques to help him learn to develop a growth mindset.
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